i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
