I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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