i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
