I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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