Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
