it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
