I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
