I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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