Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize