I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
