His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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