Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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