dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
