apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
