Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
