i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
