well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
