so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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