Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
