I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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