i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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