I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
do nipples grow back?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
