if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
