If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
