so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
