well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
