after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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