I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think my fart just growled at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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