I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
