That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
