Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
