Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
