walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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