I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
