when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
