and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
