the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
