I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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