i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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