my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My feet surprised me
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