I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if only i could text you this smell
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
