This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
