My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
