Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How's work?
Spinning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
