if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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