Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
