i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
