I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
