I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
