I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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