this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
