i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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