I will die if light touches me.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
