True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
