apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
