Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
