So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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