I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
