i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
