i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
