'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
