my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
