ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
