Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
