I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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