Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
