so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
