Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
