The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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