he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Operation Purity has been aborted
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
