At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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