Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm having to shit out rocks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
