I puked a lego.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
