I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
