I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
